Thursday, January 22, 2009

SOS, DD

Well, we're two days into it and my life hasn't changed. I had a pitcher of beer with a couple of co-workers after work on Tuesday. CNN ran on all seven televisions. Must have been a slow news day because the Obamas dancing at various (I think the real number was a ridiculous 10) balls. 

I realize it's a historic day and the nation needs to celebrate. I wore my tuxedo t-shirt, I didn't think that it would be prudent to rent or buy a tux in these economic times. I think it would have really showed that things are changing if the Obamas were to use one of the bibles the Gideons are always giving away.

Instead we spent $160 million, while pushing a man through to run the Treasury that doesn't pay his taxes. Yep, people make mistakes and perhaps he is the best man for the job. But I think someone that makes that kind of money should pay a professional to prepare his taxes. Obama letting that mistake slide isn't much different than the last administration bending or breaking rules. Above the law is dangerous.

Don't get me wrong, the world's attitude toward Americans improved on Tuesday. That will benefit those US citizens that hold passports (less than 30 %) the most. But black, white, or purple, this country keeps on truckin' down the same road as empires of old with a new technological twist. The spread between rich and poor grows, our citizens produce little, and gladiators chase balls around the arena while the zoned out masses stare at handheld mind control devices.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Keep your day job

"You guys want extra napkins?" "What for?" "For the blood."

Brooke surprised me with ringside tickets to Thursday Night at the Fights last week. Seven amateur bouts followed by the pros in the headliner. Holy haymakers, batman. The first couple of fights featured never evers wearing surf shorts and tennis shoes. They made up for their lack of skill with boundless enthusiasm to pound the living shit out of their fellow human beings.

The first blow to land solidly on a jaw caused the opponent's contact to fly out of his eye. The bright lights reflected off it as it spun out of the ring. Mr. One-good-eye won the fight in spite of the obvious handicap.

The fighters get to pick nicknames like "Carolina Clubber" and "King Sting." One dipshit forgot which sport he participated in and decided that he should be introduced as the "Karate Kid." He won his fight but Mr. Miagi would have been disappointed.

What didn't disappoint was the token cat fight. That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen two chicks duked it out for glory and the $150 that goes to the winner. One of them probably was the first girl picked for teams in gym class. I thought there was a mistake in the program until the second fighter entered the ring, it was much easier to tell that she was a female. Alas, the pretty one got her ass kicked by the driver of the Lesbaru, suffering the second broken nose of the evening.

We shared our side of the ring with "professional" photographers who seemed most concerned about getting as many shots of the skanky ring girls as possible. One of them was take-home-to- Mom pretty but the rest probably couldn't land a job pole dancing in Butte, Montana. They all wore skirts so short that it was easy to tell that they wore thongs. Actually it was hard to see some of the thongs through all the cottage cheese.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Ullr why have you forsaken us?

I can't remember the last time it snowed. I do remember that it was a ten inch storm that blew away the next day. My bent skis no longer cut it. They worked fine when the snow was soft but became scary as hell once things firmed up. So I sucked it up and bought a new pair of sticks.

They'rrrrrre great! The trick is to wait to buy new gear till yours is more played out than a forty-four year old crackwhore with a bad back. Then whatever you get on will feel fun and lively.

Folks seem ready for the cold snap to end. In fact, we probably should use the word spell instead of snap cuz snap implies quick and this has been going on for weeks. People with crawl spaces in Girdwood that hadn't had their faucets on a controlled drip spent the last week underneath their houses on hands and knees in the spiderwebs and porcupine shit trying to thaw pipes.

Plumbers are as backed up as Grandpa after eating a pound of cheesecurds, "It's gonna be a week, at least." 

Speaking of plumbers, I heard that Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber is headed to the Gaza Strip to interview their 'average Joes.' A couple of things come to mind when I think about that. One is what in the wide world of sports is happening to the media? The other is that he seems to be recovering better from those heady campaign days than our governor, what with her daughter's drop-out daddy losing the job she got him when it was pointed out that he didn't meet federal apprenticeship requirements, rumors still swirling about whether Trig is hers, and drop-out daddy's mommy's oxycotin arrest.